Post #809 – February
Annoying Phrases in Emails
A poll by Adobe has uncovered
the most annoying phrases to receive in a
work email. It is a poll rammed with all manner of
passive-aggressive neediness and belligerence, but what do the phrases really
mean? Here are some of the most
• ‘Not sure if you saw my last email’
Perhaps you were busy at lunch, or having a nice time with your
children or visiting your sick mother.
Whatever it was, I am more important.
Please work until you are dead.
• ‘Per my last email’
I use the word “per” now, because I want my vaguely legal-sounding
vocabulary to create fear deep in your stupid bovine heart.
• ‘Per our conversation’
I am creating a paper trail, because this entire project is about to
go belly up and I definitely want everyone to know that this whole mess is
exclusively your fault, even though it is probably mine.
• ‘Any updates on this?’
I am phrasing this as a question because screaming “I DEMAND
IMMEDIATE UPDATES!” makes me look deranged.
• ‘Sorry for the double email’
I am not sorry. I like sending double emails. They make me feel
powerful. Tomorrow I am going to send you a triple email, and I won’t be sorry
about that, either.
• ‘Please advise’
I am washing my hands of this whole tawdry cock-up and dumping all
responsibility on to you.
• ‘As previously stated’
I cannot believe you ignored one of my statements. Can you imagine if
Noah had ignored God’s statement about the flood? I want you to place similar
importance on a spreadsheet about office fittings that I will never even look
• ‘As discussed’
“Discussed” obviously means “demanded.” Fear me.
• ‘Re-attaching for convenience’
I do not just want to
clog up your inbox with unnecessary reminders; I also want to clog up your
inbox with documents you already own.
Feel free to cry at your desk at the earliest convenience.
Courtesy of The Irish Times